I am with you always. Mathew 28 :30 I sent my son to school today with the 50/50 chance that he was faking being sick. I made him drink OJ and gave him Tylenol with that thought in my head that he would surly make it through to lunch time. We are in a flu outbreak time of season with the letters coming home to keep your children home if they are sick. I also work in a health clinic where I just wrote a four page action plan for the COVID-19 outbreak of 2020. I should know better, but I did it anyway. The anxiety of calling out of work on a Monday because littles are sick is something every woking mom goes through. That struggle is real and as much as we would all love to be amazing moms who never put work before our children…let’s face it…we do. I really shouldn’t have, it wasn’t good for him, or the other students/teachers; ugh especially IF he has the flu, and for me. So sorry all….#facepalm It is days like this where the anxiety/guilt/struggle of being pulled in several directions make me feel so alone. I have a wonderful family and support tribe that expands several states due to multiple military moves, but realistically when you get to the really suck times…you feel alone. And then I glance over at the couch my little is sick sleeping on with my dog ever vigilant at his side….with you always….. I recently started going to a new church and the mission this Sunday had this message centered around having faith and living by faith; that God is with you always. It was one of those times that I mentally checked out and thought…”that is the tattoo that I want on my wrist.” Not because I do this often in church but it really hit me with every emotion that I have experienced in the past several years, why didn’t I think that he was always with me? I have a plaque on my bathroom wall from Ruth saying “Where you go I go and where you stay I stay.” I am a signs person….clearly I do not know the signs that I even put there myself in front of my face everyday. Even just saying that to myself brought me so much peace. So whoah …Let me take a moment to clarify…no I am not saying that because God is always with me that I am cured and no loner going to feel alone. I am also human, a mom; a working mom at that and I will still need an occasional glass of wine or four to collect myself at the end of the day. And this is not coming from the one incident of sending my son to school sick, but a cluster of a lot of situations happening at once in my life. It just so happened that today, I was called in to pick up my son who was sick, and who told me he was trying to suck it up today because he know I was working. Insert all the emotions coming to a head and feeling like an absolute dirtbag….spiraling into the problem cyclone of despair and ending in “I am so totally alone.” Before, in this moment I would reach for something , a person, a drink, ice cream, to achieve that temporary feeling of “peace.” But I know that I don’t need this. I will still do it yes, not because I need too but because I am me…and that is what I do. In moments like these I will simply breath and tell myself I am not alone, God said I am always with you. That calms me and makes me feel less alone. God loves you, no matter what, you are his…even if you send your son to school sick, call out of work, have no clue what you are called to do, and eat a whole pint of ice cream in one sitting. Mamas …IT IS OK. It will all be ok. You are fine, everything is fine. Honestly, you are probably overthinking what everyone is thinking about you calling out and taking this time to be with your sick child WAY more than anyone at work is. I know because I am doing that too. You may be up to your eyeballs in debt, making a big move but are unsure, overwhelmed with your responsibilities, doubting yourself, feeling self-conscious, or just plain tired. Just know that even if you cannot call your best friend, your family and tribe are a hundred miles away, your anxiety has kicked into ultra-drive….YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Be still …and know. XOXO
Ashley
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10/14/2022 04:26:56 am
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About the BloggerAshley currently lives in Eastover, NC, finding her footprint in this life as a busy, modern boy mom. She has an MBA but does not know what to do with it so in the mean time she is taking each day as an adventure to find purpose (follow her IG) and studying social media trends; mainly to stay "hip" for the littles. Her studies are in organizational leadership with a focus on "millennials." Archives
August 2020
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